How to Feed Your Redheaded Stepchild

Watch TV at dinner.
Make sure it’s a nature show
so your stepchild can learn
how the runt of the litter
does not always receive
the same nutrition
as the able-bodied critters.
Act accordingly.

Send her to the Dollar Store
with ninety nine cents
and tell her
to make a day of it.

Tell him to sing for his supper
unless he has a good voice.
Then tell him to shuffle off
to Buffalo.
If you live in Buffalo,
just make some wings
for your spouse and yourself.

Offer a variety of meal choices
such as:
poison
dirt
mucus
other assorted bodily fluids
hair pie – literal.
Leave the choice
in the ginger’s hands.

Find the appropriate thimble
and dollop into it
as much stone soup
as it can bear.
Then summon your stepchild
and smile.

Serve lollipops and clamato
along with your conditional love.
Tell her that no one will love her
if she’s fat
(then ask for thirty five percent
of her stripper tips).

If you’re redheaded, too,
love him.

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