Sorry State

I am absolutely worried about the economy, sure,
and the sorry state of the constitution
and equal rights
– all that kind of stuff –
but the real thing that keeps me up at nights
is a substantiated fear that my pants are gonna divide
like some Egyptian sea.

There’s a seam splitting
right near my crotchal area
and I keep thinking it may be growing.
My fingers find themselves in that area
with some regularity
and I’m uncovering more of a suspected opening
each and every time.

I am behaving like it’s any normal day
but in a minute
or an hour
or a second,
I’m gonna get broken
and my legs will burst out of their denim cocoon
my old underwear a monochromatic moth.
It is causing me distress.
I have no other pants with me
and when these slacks
decide to transition,
I will be out and about
in more ways than one.

Help me, Jesus.
Keep my pants together
for the rest of the day
to allay my anxiety
and maybe do something
about the Middle East, too.

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