How to do the Laundry

When you wake up
take the drugs
that give you the special strength
to accomplish great things.
It may be some time
before they take full effect.
Gird yourself in your best protection:
engineer boots, leather mail
and a sturdy hat
to protect you from the elements.
When exiting the house
cover face
so the hell falcons
are unable to peck your eyes
(if you lose your eyes,
it’s all over).
Use your staff to disperse the birds
then rush to the tank
where you have the firepower necessary
to get to headquarters
where you can verify
if the coup to overpower
the Evil Rumpenmen continues apace.

If so
provide rousing speech to your squad
preparing them for war,
then trade your tank in
for the electric unicycle
where you can easily outpace
any of the walking trees
near the base.

Travel behind any shadow sisters you see
but beware of startling them
(if you startle a shadow sister,
it’s all over)
so keep in mind it might take a while
to get to the laundromat.
When you arrive
throw a cluster bomb
thus slaughtering all enemies
in the vicinity.

When facing the laundryman,
give the code word
then provide the laundry ticket
you were given yesterday
Receive your clean clothes.
Put the pack on your back
and uni home swiftly
before the enemy swarm repopulates.

When home
kick aside any hell falcons
you might have rendered unconscious
when departing.
Inside, enjoy clean clothes.

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